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wRamblings of a Giggling Baka |
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Heed the words of a Psycho!
On The 01-09-05, The Baka Is Currently....
Feeling...Remoseful
Listening To...Magic by the Cars
Wearing...MASH shirt and MASH Pjs
Talking to...no one
Eating...nada
Drinking...Pepsi One
Reading...Too many books!
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Can You See Me?
Wednesday, June 23, 2004 |
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Sometimes I just want to SCREAM that I hate her. That I have no more feelings left for her in my heart, soul, or mind!
I wish I could earse EVERYTHING so I didn't have to remember how I felt when we did things together...when we watched movies in her room and talked to each other for hour's on end!
I wish I didn't have to see her smiling face everytime I closed my eyes.
I wish I didn't have to think of her CONSTANTLY because I miss her so.
I wish so damn much that I had never EVER introduced her to Russ.
I wish I was cold-hearted, mean, and cruel so that I could just push her AWAY from me.
I wish I wasn't so far away from the friends that really care about me.
I wish I was someone else so I didn't feel this pain
I wish...I wish I just wasn't me and that she wasn't her...and we were still friends and nothing would tear us apart.
I thought...I thought at first that I had found a long lasting friendship that would be forever til the I died or if she did...I thought I had found something truly special and truly worthwhile...I thought...I thought I had found someone that I could give my heart to...
How was I to know I would turn jealous? How was I to know she'd kick me out of her life? How was I to know anything of what was to come?
Why do I still care? I keep telling myself that I don't care if she has a boyfriend or if she talks to me. That I don't care if she booted me out of her life and basically stole away another close friend.
How am I to know how to survive when I can't even understand my own feelings?
How was I to know that I would hate myself, pity myself, and basically let my heart die?
But now...I know something.
I know something about my....true friends (though it kills me to say that she isn't/wasn't one...)
Aly has stuck with me through thick and thin from 6th grade.
Cate is still a good friend even though we've had a small scrap or two with each other.
Meaghan...is upmostly amazing and I know she cares cause she listens even when she could be doing something better.
Nate loves me no matter what. His love is completely unconditional. If I hurt, he is there and he comforts...He's one of the sweetest boys I've EVER met.
John and Jill have always been there to listen to me and help me forget all the bad things. They can always make me smile.
And the Guys...Stephen, David, and James...they can just make my day so much brighter with their strange ways.
Of course I can't forget my Fizzy and her guidance. All hail the FIZZ!
Hehehe, Dacri's listened to a few of my teenage "dramas" too.
Mmm...and there are so many others that I had forgotten/ignored when I was so caught up with Sarah...so many that deserve more then what I gave them...but they are still there, still here to be what a real friend is.
Woof means I love you...and I love ya all cause you have never forgotten me or forsaken me when I needed you most. I may have lost one friend but I have gained so many more that even though it may hurt, I will never be alone.
Cookies and Kudos all my amigos.
You all rock and I thank you for always being there even when I was not...
Woof.
T3H B4K4 last Rambled @
10:00:00 PM
Cookies?-[ Cookies!]
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