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wRamblings of a Giggling Baka |
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Heed the words of a Psycho!
On The 01-09-05, The Baka Is Currently....
Feeling...Remoseful
Listening To...Magic by the Cars
Wearing...MASH shirt and MASH Pjs
Talking to...no one
Eating...nada
Drinking...Pepsi One
Reading...Too many books!
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Can You See Me?
Friday, January 28, 2005 |
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So I'm gonna type on here so Gerber can't degrade my all ready low self-esteem anymore.
Ah-hem....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
STRESSSTRESSSTRESSSS!!
Okay, so, first off, these last two weeks have been HELL. I don't know why, I'm starting not to care, and I just want to HARM something. I'm about ready to go buy a foam staff and start hitting a random guy senseless.
Dear Lord! How can two weeks go so horrid!
A) I'm not sleeping. At All. Thanks a lot HW and BBall.
B) BBall is HELL
C) I'm just pissed off
Oh and why am I in such a crappy mood? BECAUSE I AM A MORON! Dear Lord, do I amaze myselef at how stupid that I CAN BE. I swear, it's amazing how like conceited/self-centered/idiotic I can manage to be in one day.
Then, oh yes and THEN! On the freaking one day i get to sleep well, my dumbass father comes into my room and depends to know where the hell the system disks are. I'm sorry but what the hell gives him the right to do this? HE DAMN WELL KNOWS I haven't been sleeping well and that I've been looking. And damnit, I'm being emotional and I hate being emotional because emotions just don't love me!
NYRRAAAAH! And then I have to get up at like 6 on Sunday and thank God, 9 tomorrow for Nate's bday but still.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!
And...sigh. I lose at life. I won't even go into my whole rant about the minions...
I hate friendships at times.
All well.
Life goes on.
Well, good things that happened.
Well, I called Tara and she still at Robyn's (GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH**deepbreathdeepbreath** Fusteration!!) and I was sorta hoping she would come shopping with me or even go to the movies...but no. So, I basically just went 'screw her' (badattitudebadattitudebadmobadmo) and called Stephen instead. So Stephen and I went to Arby's for lunch then to Slackers and then to the Bing shop. He helped me buy Nate's xmas gifts.
Then I took my mommy to the movies with Jill and Stephen and we saw Phantom...it also seems like that everyone but me was crying. I sometimes gotta wonder if I have any senstivity left in me at times. I mean it was sad...but I just didnt care.
I think I either care too much or too little...
All well.
I sometimes have gotta wonder if I belong with any group of friends....the CT is like dead because of the rifts caused between us by A) graduation B) the hatred of Stuart. My minions...have their own friends and I guess we don't really have time for each other, That or I spend too much time with them. Who knows. My boys...have finally grown up and are definately expanding their horizons. Sigh. And everyone else, just everyone else. Ashley is just psychoatic and dependent on Dane. Sarah is screwed over by her parents and I just don't care anymore...because they don't care either. I juggled them around Nate...but they don't juggle me around their boys. And I try to be good. I try to be accepting and understanding;....but it's hard to be in second place in someone's heart...and we're supposed to be best friends. But what does Best Friends mean anyways?
The only person who is there for me, who puts me 1st in his heart, is Nate...and I think I put everyone too equal with my love...I think I try to make everyone feel special and happy...and i guess I forget about him...and myself.
I don't know how to be happy without being around people...or making others happy.
I'm not good at being alone...
I'm not good at anything really.
But it doesn't really matter cause nothing really does. What matters is that you live a good life and believe in Christ...and thus, life goes on with or without you. Because it waits for no one but itself and as such, well, we're all screwed.
And as I always say, All well.
~ Mo
T3H B4K4 last Rambled @
11:40:00 PM
Cookies?-[ Cookies!]
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Can You See Me?
Friday, January 14, 2005 |
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Do you know what's so effing wrong?
Thinking and actually planning a marriage for when you are 18?! OMFUCKINGG.
Sarah's mom is like planning out Sarah's life. It's so not right! I mean Russ and Sarah have zero life experience if they get married...Dear God, they are so screwed. They should at least 'till they can at least drink. (what's the fun of a wedding when you can't drink, c'mon)
It's just so stupid and wrong, so so very wrong...
And do ya know what I've noticed, if I didn't laugh at life, i would so be dead.
I would be beyond dead...
With all the shit that my parents do (im not even gonna say cause it's my place to say), the way my relationsips go with people, and just my own little problems...I'm suprised im not like Gerber or that I am not dead.
I am lucky.
I have hit the bottom before but I have made it out. And now that I've found my way, I always be able to find it again.
Just...the wounds will never heal and the scars will always be there.
So cliche but so true in manners of the heart.
I.
Will.
Never.
Give.
Up.
Even if it's the last thing that I do.
Hugs and Love,
Mo
T3H B4K4 last Rambled @
10:59:00 PM
Cookies?-[ Cookies!]
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Can You See Me?
Monday, January 10, 2005 |
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I.
Got.
Bumped.
From.
1st.
Chair.
I. AM. NOT. HAPPY.
We lost our game again today, i had to drive in the night/fog, and I started to cry at school.
It was a crappy, good-for-nothing day.
But you know what....CARPE DIEM!
<---Sieze the Day! (From Dead Poet's Society)
Tomorrow will always, -always- be BETTER even if today was Hell.
I love life too much to cry anymore. Nothing is better then just breathing and believing that there will always be good. Nothing bad ever lasts forever. It never will because there is Jesus Christ. He saved us...from everything. Why should we dwell on the bad things when we have all this LIFE to live for?!
Why not breathe and run around like a moron?
Why not be insane and laugh at everything?
Why not love what God has given us?
Nothing bad can last forever. ^_^
HAVE NO FEAR! ~ The Kyousha Motto
And Love...just Love for all you are worth. Because if you don't live up today, it will just be a wasted space in time that could have been filled with greater things.
Today may have been horrid....but I have so much more to live for. There is so much that God has set before me. I need to sieze this life and make it as great as it possibly can.
Love. Hugs. Peace.
~ Mo
T3H B4K4 last Rambled @
10:54:00 PM
Cookies?-[ Cookies!]
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